Loved by the Bear - Part 1 Page 3

  "Katy's great. Everyone in the clan is. Anyone who can do anything is already on the hunt for Connell."

  Except me. The familiar tightness of shame I get whenever I fail grips my chest, and I inhale deeply and blow out the breath slowly to relieve the pressure. But when I do, it’s as if I let down the barriers I built around my heart when I left Maine, because thoughts of my mother flood my mind with a different kind of pain. I swallow down the burning heat that rises up and ask, "How's my mom?"

  Sierra lets out a sigh and reaches over to hold my hand. "She's a mess." My mother's best friend for life squeezes my fingers tight enough to hurt. "This year has been hard for her with you away. And now…"

  I turn away from Sierra's knowing gaze as my shame rushes forth with enough force to make my ears burn like embers of a well-stoked fire. Anger surges in me for feeling this way, and I let out a low growl. I went to California for a little freedom from my forced responsibilities, and it's not like I did heinous things. And from what Sierra just said, it's clear the clan manages just fine without me.

  "She really needs you, Audrey."

  I pull my hand away as if I can stop the guilt trip Sierra's laying on me, and I cross my arms. "I'm here."

  Sierra laughs dryly.

  "What?"

  She smiles at me. "I was a lot like you when I was your age, and I bet I know what you're thinking."

  Here we go. The lecture my mother's bestie thinks I need to hear. "Really. What's that?"

  "That your mother and I can't fathom what your life in California was like. That neither of us could possibly imagine hopping from bed to bed, searching for that something you can't define and never seem to find."

  I nearly gasp before I manage to control it. "Is that what you think I did?"

  Sierra shrugs. "Maybe." She laughs again. "I hope so. Because if you ask me, I think everyone should—"

  "I didn't ask you." I recall Connell telling me he found a flash drive with photos of my mother's tattoos on penises, and I shudder a little. "And I really don't want to know about my mother's sex life before dad, thank you very much."

  "It was boring. Mine on the other hand was—"

  "God! Sierra." I let out a groan as she cackles. "Please."

  "Fine. I'm just saying that you probably didn't do anything your mother would judge you for, and it's too bad your embarrassment kept you from talking to her like you used to."

  "I am not embarrassed!"

  Sierra sucks her lips in between her teeth as if she's physically trying to keep herself from saying more, and I let out a huff of annoyance as I reach over and flip on the radio. I'm not ashamed of my active sex life, even if I don't want my mother to know the details. What I'm ashamed of is that Sierra's right. I was searching for something I can't explain. My handsome stranger from last night comes to mind, and my heart flips as if my only concern right now is when I'm going to see my crush again. Argh! I'm acting like a teenager instead of the next Robichaux alpha dealing with a crisis. Even in silence I'm so damned inappropriate. It's like I've found my…

  A rock tune blares so loudly my ears hurt, but Sierra is the one to turn it down before she says, "Audrey, the important thing is you're here now, and what your mother needs is for you two to be like you were. Can you do that for her?"

  "Yes," I say in a small voice as if I'm a child. Because I think I did find what I was looking for in California, but I just left it behind, and there's only one person I want to talk to about it. The truth is, I need my mother too.

  5

  Audrey

  I gaze out the window at the tall pine trees that line the side of the highway and notice how rural the scenery is compared to California. I imagine it was a shock for my mother when she first arrived to find the werebear she had been dreaming about. At the time, she and Sierra didn't know werebear existed, and I think they were pretty brave to drive all the way across the country for a dream, let alone become werebear. Destiny can be a powerful force though. It's enough of one to push half-human women to beg for the bite of their werebear mate and experience the excruciating pain of their entire physical being morphing into a shape-shifter. I shudder as I imagine it. Then my mind goes to Connell as I wonder what kind of pain he might be in right now. I'm glad I don't get visions, because I’ve already imagined a scene with him being beaten over and over as his werebear speedy-healing abilities try work quickly enough to keep him alive. Knowing the Eradicators, I'm sure they enjoy the interesting form of torture they can administer to my kind. My bear's hackles rise, and I struggle to keep from shifting.

  "Need to run?" asks Sierra.

  I nod. In California I did manage to shift and run regularly enough to keep my bear under control, but in stressful situations it's more difficult to remain human. I'm tempted to have Sierra pull over so I can run home, but it occurs to me that if Connell was kidnapped by the Eradicators, no werebear should be running in the forest alone right now. "I'll be okay."

  "I've already got Ash on it for you."

  "Thanks." Ash is Sierra's mate and the man who is in charge of the clan's warriors. As much as I hate having bodyguards, this isn't the first time I've needed warrior protection.

  "Almost there," Sierra says, mostly just to make conversation since I'd know where I was blindfolded.

  I crack the window to inhale the scent of pine, rich forest soil, and clear Maine air. I let out a heavy sigh as the weight of who I am settles over my shoulders. I may not always like the responsibilities of my birthright, but it's as comfortable to me as a favorite coat. It’s good to be home.

  As we wind up the long driveway that leads to my family home, I take in the fortress-like presence of the building reinforced with steel walls and a tall heavy iron fence. I imagine what this would have looked like to my mother and Sierra when they first arrived. I glance over at my mother's best friend and shake my head at the courage the two naive tattoo artists had. I say, "My god, when you and Mom arrived here, you had to have been scared to death."

  Sierra laughs. "Not at all. Both of us were so excited we couldn't sit still."

  I can picture Sierra bouncing, but not my mother. "Mom?"

  "She knew she was about to meet the sexy man in her dreams. I know it's hard to imagine, but one day you won't be able to think straight because of a true mate."

  The deep voice of my handsome hookup last night comes to me. A shiver of delight races down my spine. Oh, I can imagine it. And before I can push the thought of him away, it occurs to me again that maybe he's half werebear and my true mate. I scoff at myself, because the likelihood of that is next to zero, and I smile when I see my mother standing in driveway waiting for us.

  Like a little kid excited to be home from my first day of school, I open the door of the car before Sierra stops and run to my mother's arms. She squeezes me with the same fierceness I give her. "Audrey."

  "Mom," I say as I relax in her embrace of warmth, love, and home.

  She releases me to step back. "I swear you've grown another inch."

  I laugh. "Nope. You've just forgotten how big my presence can be."

  She shakes her head slowly. "I've missed it every day." She grabs my hand. "Come on inside. The twins should be home soon."

  I glance over my shoulder at Sierra, and she grins at me. "I'll get your bag."

  When we get inside, the scent of cinnamon makes me smile. "Bear claws?"

  "It wouldn't be a homecoming without them," Mom says as our feet thud softly over the hardwood floor of the great room and into the kitchen. "Hungry?"

  "Always. Please say you made fish chowder too."

  "Of course."

  I notice a map spread out on the kitchen table and grab a bear claw from the counter before I move over to inspect it. Sugary sweetness fills my mouth as I look at a series of circles drawn around the Roadhouse, the bar where Connell's car was found, and I assume they indicate the area that has been searched. Fear for my brother mixes with rage for the Eradicators, and my skin prickles with my bear's need to get out. A low rumble forms in my chest as I set my pastry down.

  I glance at my mother, who tilts her head toward the back door that is off the kitchen. "Your entourage is waiting."

  I give her wry smile for the long-standing joke about my warrior guards who have a healthy respect for my status that I abused a few times as a teen. "I'll be back soon," I say as I begin to strip out of my clothes on my way to the mudroom. After I disrobe, I place my clothing on the hooks installed for just this purpose before stepping outside.

  Nudity is a way of life for werebear, so when I see Nick and Evan in all their naked glory as well, we greet each other with quick nods. About to explode from my skin with the need to be a bear, I begin to run before my shift is complete. The powerful limbs of my animal thud loudly on the ground as they propel me into the forest. I want to move as fast as I can and take the path known as ‘polar bear way’ toward the river. It was named for Isabelle Ouelette, a polar werebear who lives in Canada now. During her time here transitioning from the De Rozier clan's migration from the Arctic, she had a whopper of a tantrum and took out a large swath of trees in her rage. It’s a direct line to the river and very handy, so we’ve continued to use it all these years.

  Wind ruffles my fur as trees and brush become a blur in my peripheral vision. My hate for the group of humans known as the Eradicators fills me, and my heart pounds against my chest as I push my body to its limits to try to let it out. My intense rage can be useful in a battle, but when it comes to seeing a situation clearly and being strategic about the solutions, it's best to let my human side take over.

  I hear the rush of the river ahead and don't slow down as I approach the cliff. Instead, I leap into the air to soar over the edge before crashing down into the icy cold water. I don't
feel the temperature on my body because of my fur, but my snout does, and I welcome the chill as I swim underwater. I push until my lungs burn with the need for oxygen. I'm at the falls, and the urge for an adrenaline surge is too much to ignore. I come up for a quick breath before I let my body be tossed over the edge.

  The fall is about twenty feet, but when you're being churned up in the speed of the current, it's a hairy ride. I land and sink deep enough to hit bottom before I kick up to the surface, moments before I'd pass out.

  I glance around for my bodyguards and see they took the plunge with me. They didn't have much choice, considering they were ordered by their alpha to protect me at all costs. I'm sure Nick and Evan didn't miss this part of their duties while I was gone. I've been scaring them with my reckless disregard for safety for years, and they've let it be known on more than one occasion that I'm the worst part of their job.

  I swim lazily over to a series of rocks where we can sunbathe, and my whole chest tightens as I imagine losing Connell. It would paralyze me. Irritation sets in when I think about his flaky ways. His kidnappers got almost a two-day lead because of his annoying habits. I finally get what my parents meant every time they'd tell him he had to be more responsible and aware of who he is, and it hits me that my little game of scaring the warriors isn't much better. Suddenly my adrenaline rush doesn't have the same satisfaction it used to. Guilt makes my stomach knot up when I climb up on a rock, and I shift to human form.

  The warriors take my lead and shift too. I lower myself to sit, and the sun-heated granite is warm under my bottom as I say, "Sorry about that. I should have warned you." I look at Nick, but his stony expression makes it hard to know what he's thinking. "I just realized I can be a real bitch to you guys. You know I'd never kill myself, right?"

  Evan is not as good at hiding his feelings or honoring my position, and he says, "The bitch part we were prepared for. We knew you were going to do something like this. But Audrey, you've got to stop pushing the limits. One day your luck is going to run out."

  I turn away without acknowledging him. Perhaps it’s because werebear can heal themselves from almost anything, but I've never feared for my life. But the anguish I feel imaging Connell dead is something I wouldn't wish on anyone, and I know it’s time for me to give up this foolish game I play. Sunlight bounces off the whitecaps around us as the rush of the falls fills my ears, and a realization comes to me. It’s time to grow up.

  6

  Josie

  My bag thumps on the bottom bunk in my new dorm room at the University of Maine in Orono, and I take in the surroundings. My roommate, another transfer named Madison, isn't here. But her things are and lucky for me, she chose the top bunk. I walk over to her desk and notice the motivational sayings and cutesy captions on pictures of people smiling with arms around each other, or exaggerated poses with duck lips or tongues stuck out. A pencil holder glitters with shades of pink, and it makes me think Madison is a cheerful sorority type who is always looking for the silver lining. She's sure in for a surprise with an ex-con and trained assassin as her new roommate.

  I plop down on my bed and lift my combat boot-clad feet to rest them on a support bar. My travel accommodations from Virginia were not the style I'd like to become accustomed too, and the stench of stale bus air from my twenty-four-hour trip is barely overpowered by the aroma of my sweat. It's hot, and the dorms don't have AC. But I'm too damned tired to care, and I close my eyes, hoping to doze off. I don’t get to, because the door opens.

  "You're here!" exclaims a girl, and I sit up to notice her big eyes that are a vivid shade of blue that is almost unreal.

  I let out a sigh of exhaustion. "That I am."

  She lowers a backpack from her shoulders and it appears heavy as she puts it gently on the floor. "I hope you drink," she says as she unzips her pack, "because I thought we could get to know each other over a bottle of wine." She pulls a bottle out and holds it up in the air. My frown must prompt her next move because she reaches back in and pulls out a six pack. "Or beer!"

  I smile and reach for one, even though it's not anywhere close to noon yet. The bottle is cold in my hand, which is even better. I turn to the metal bed frame and set the tiny edge of the cap on a bar to pound on it with my fist. The cap clatters on the floor, and I leave it to take a big swig. "Ahh." I beat on my chest to work my burp up and belch loudly. "That hits the spot. Thanks." I know I'm being crass, but I feel the need to make it clear I'm no cheerleader and set the tone for our relationship. And for Madison's expectations, because I bet she's the type who wants to share clothes.

  She doesn't seem phased by me, though, and sympathetically asks, "Travel day from hell?"

  I scan her body with my gaze. She's not a small girl and has the curves werebear like. I notice she's wearing a perfectly put-together outfit that makes me think she's got money like a lot of the girls I'd see at the mall in Connecticut where I worked in high school. I bet she even arrived in a limo, but this girl has the kind of skills I'm going to need. "Yep. Twenty-four hours on a bus."

  She grimaces. "That would suck. Do you need me to let you nap? Or get you anything? There's a pretty decent sandwich shop on campus."

  Her kindness reminds me of Lana, and it guilts me into apologizing. "Sorry. I'm don't mean to be so rough around the edges. I just need a shower, and I promise I'll stop being such a bear." I smile to myself at my joke as Madison blinks at me in confusion.

  An expression that might finally be annoyance flickers on her face before she takes a deep breath and smiles again. "I'll put the rest of these in the mini fridge I brought. Since I didn't hear back from you, I just got one."

  I nod at her and take a long swig of my beer. I'm not sure why I want to knock the kind girl down a peg. I may need her. But I can’t let myself get too close either because I could betray her at some point too. I'm sure I’ve been hanging out with thugs too long when I poke at her anyway. "Your name. Madison. Is that like the avenue?"

  Her expression hardens, and she snaps back, "Josie? Like the pussycat?"

  Laughter explodes from me, and I spray beer across the room at her. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and say, "Nice to see something other than rainbows."

  Madison does not find the situation as funny as I do. She tosses me a hand towel and crosses her arms as she scowls. "I don't know what your deal is, but if your goal in life is to see if you can piss me off, then let's march down to the RA and get a room transfer right now. I refuse to be in a hostile situation."

  This girl is not a pushover, and that's something I respect, so I throw my hand up and dip my head in submission. "Nope. We're good." I stand up to rummage through my bag for a towel and toiletries.

  I see my knife, and even though I think I've pushed this girl as far as she'll go, I still can't resist the urge to see how quickly she thinks, so I toss it at her. Madison's hand snaps into the air, and the knife smacks firmly in her palm as she squints her eyes at me. She glances down at the weapon. "Jesus. What are you? An assassin?"

  My heart stops. "Wh-what?"

  "This is a Kershaw Cryo. Arguably one of the best self-defense knives to conceal carry." I think my jaw drops a little before she gives me a smirk. "Not all puppies and rainbows here after all."

  I shake my head as I laugh. She's not what I expected. "How did you know about the knife?"

  She shrugs. "I’m a Rick's Hunting and Fishing sales clerk from way back." She studies me for a moment. "Why do you have it?"

  "Hoodlum from way back." I grin at her, and I laugh again when she rolls her eyes. Damn, if I don't like her. She’s the kind of girl I’d have been friends with in my earlier life. Madison's girly enough to be my ticket to frat parties, and she's definitely a werebear magnet, which is even better. It's in my best interest to make her like me. I walk toward the door with my shower things and my beer. I pull the door open and turn back to her to say, "You've got nothing to worry about. We're going to get along just fine."

  7